Perpetuating a Problem: Let’s talk #GIRLBOSS #BOSSBABE and #LADYBOSS
When I hear these words or see these hashtags, I cringe and take a step away. Although I used these words a few years ago, I finally stopped subscribing to the idea that my work and position needed an infantilized or gendered label, especially in a society that continues to discount and trivialize us, our bodies, and our work.
The path of female entrepreneurship isn’t easy, supported, or clear cut, and sure different from our male counterparts. My own dive into business ownership has forced me to deconstruct societal and conditioned childhood pressures of being kind, likable, sweet, and agreeable. It has reopened the door to my long battle with body image and self-criticism. I have navigated comments from my family and customers (ahem, all men) about running my own business that wouldn’t even be a conversation if I was male. I have swum in feelings of imposter syndrome, but through it all, I’ve become strong and confident. Starting, running, and maintaining a business has been one of the most monumental things I’ve ever done. It serves as the most tangible representation of how hard work, steering challenging decisions, taking risks (and not taking some), and setting boundaries has created something that has provided me with a pretty rewarding life. And a privileged life chapter I don’t take for granted.
So, it’s baffling why women are using minimizing language to describe our serious, real, and influential work in this world. Could you imagine if we started coining male business owners Boy Boss or Boss Stud? They would lose their minds.
The ascension to our positions, businesses, and work is admirable, rigorous, and should be honored! I am not discounting our glory, especially in a world where white cisgender men have always been in the driver’s seat. In fact, let’s use this as an example - I’ve worked for these types of men, and honestly, without their raw representation of misogyny and sexism, I might not have started my business. I remember a particular boss having a scowling expression on his face whenever he talked about women in high powered positions. His vocal disdain and discounting comments stuck with me, representing a disrespect and undermining for women in the working world. Sexism is still alive and thriving, and when we use the term “girl” “lady” or “babe” to coin our representation in the working world, we feed it. It fact, we don’t only feed sexism, but it normalizes the objectification ("babe"), marginalization and trivialization of women.
Some of you might be thinking I’m taking it too seriously or saying to yourself “what’s the big deal? It’s just a cute phrase”. Let’s me be clear,
I don’t want to be cute.
My business identity doesn’t need to be gendered.
Using the term “babe” in my business is wholly unnecessary and gross.
I certainly don’t need to slap a label on anything I do.
And no, I don’t hate men, successful women, networking, having fun, or celebrating my business.
Because my sole feelings are my opinion, here are some real words shared when I posted this topic:
“I cringe at #girlboss because in the South, male attorneys or judges have a habit of referring to you as girl or little lady and I get that pit-in-your-stomach feeling every time.”
“I internally struggle with this all the time! I’m a lady who also happens to be in charge of my business. But I see no reason to bring gender into my career status, ESPECIALLY with the term #girlboss. I’m 31, not a little girl”
“As a person in an upper management/leadership role I am a boss but happily but clearly correct anyone who tries to gender my position. It is inherently minimizing, whether its intended or not. I actually left the “boss babes” group because I am just uncomfortable aligning myself with that language.”
“And even along the same lines, when women are upfront/direct, they’re a bitch but when men do it, they’re just “doing their job””.
“We find words that aren’t as intimidating and by intimidating I mean equal. Be the boss.”
“The idea that it’s making leadership and intellect “cute” resonates so much with me - branded pillows, mugs and wall handing that say “girl boss” or “hustle” in pink and sparkles feels like…kids dress up.”
Words matter. Words establish our presence in the world; they set an instant tone, shape our subconscious opinion, bias or prejudice. Words create an expectation and have the power to blaze a different path for the future (reflect on how language sets the bar for listening children). After bringing up this conversation on Instagram, I had a few women ask me what the other solution or wording should be. The need to create a feminized label that divides us from titles like owner, manager, and boss is part of the problem. Their responses made me realize there’s still a lack of independent empowerment, self-reliant thinking, and security with women. At the end of the day, the boss babe, boss bitch, lady boss, girl boss phenomena are capitalizing and perpetuating inequality* and the dependence of “belonging”; quite the opposite of empowering. It is time to claim our power, do our work, and enjoy our evolution and ditch overcompensating our worth with girly hashtags, office swag, and putting ourselves through fluffy one-dimensional networking events**. We are better than that. Our success, equality, and empowerment should come from our work, our products, our services, and in our actions - no label, hashtag, or clever wording needed for our rise and reclamation.
*I say this because I believe ableism, white supremacy, exclusivity, and optical allyship plays a significant role in the girl boss, boss babe movement, but that’s a deep topic for another time.
**To the women reading this who run these types of groups, events and conferences who question what I’m talking about, here are some real topics I would urge you to consider: being part of gentrification as a shop owner, letting a business partner go, juggling parenthood with your business, getting out of debt, the process of a business loan, how to represent and diversify your photography without tokenization, small business taxes 101, establishing boundaries, growing your business beyond your city, using your platform to talk about real issues, dealing with copycats - just to name a few. There is lots of work to be done in this arena, and I certainly don’t have the answers to what that work is because it’s not something I created, my calling or responsibility.